Getting Touchy Feely
In previous articles I described an overview of the representational systems of communication: visual, auditory and kinesthetic, and the benefit of knowing what these systems are as they relate to rapport. In another article, I went into more detail about the visual aspect and here we are dealing with kinesthetic language, the feeling words that people use.
In our quest to gain rapport we continue to build upon our ability to learn how people construct their realities and how they interact with reality. Kinesthetic people interact through touch and feel.
You'll know you're talking to a kinesthetic person if they grasp for how they want to say things. They may physically mirror your movements, oftentimes and unconsciously, mirroring and matching your movements. Kinesthetic people are the easiest to mirror as well, (at least physically) because they will want to nod their heads as you nod yours. Their hands are important as they may speak with them, and may also rub their own hands or legss or arms as they speak to you.
A perfect example, and the epitome of kinesthesia, is Bill Clinton's famous, "I feel your pain" quote, made more notorious by his predilections.
Where visual people speak quickly with lots of words, zipping right along and auditory people speak a bit slower in either a sing-songy way or with a flat monotone, the kinesthetic person will speak much slower and often appears to be struggling to put what they are thinking into the proper words.
Kinesthetic people obviously use kinesthetic words. These cover the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, happiness, joy, anger.
If someone is standing so close to you so as to touch you, they are likely to be kinesthetically oriented. These people do not mind being touched (within reason) and a pat on the shoulder or arm, or a hug, will please them. Standing close to them is never a problem as they are not creating visual images which they project between you and them, as visually oriented people are.
That's another major difference between the three groups that will help you to identify them. One of the biggest ways though, for me, is that they, struggle . . . for their words. . .
In contrast to visual people who look up, and auditory people look side-to-side or level, kinesthetic oriented people will look down, in general.
As a side note, I read an article not long ago about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for school infractions for hugging his friend. Outlawing physical contact, his school board has implemented a 'no physical contact' policy. No touching of any sort--no handshakes, no pats on the head, no hand holding, no high fives.
When I first read the story I thought, what a strange policy. As I delved deeper, I realized what a horrible disservice is being done to kinesthetic kids throughout that school district. Obviously, harmful touch is wrong and should be off limits, and I understand that boundaries need to be clear, but no physical contact seems like a bad road to start traveling down.
Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.
Article Source: http://www.search-raven.com
About the Author
Kenrick Cleveland teaches strategies to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion strategies.
This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License, which means you may freely reprint it, in its entirety, provided you include the author's resource box along with LIVE links (without "nofollow" tags).
by: KenrickCleveland
Total views: 48
Word Count: 522
Rating: Not yet rated