Towards And Away: The 'away' Perspective
First, a distinction. When I teach about 'towards and away' personalities, I get asked, 'Kenrick, isn't an away from person just a negative person?' My answer is no. That's not the case at all. There are negative people in the world who will complain about anything, but someone who is moving away from a problem does not necessarily have a negative attitude in life.
'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.' It's one of those things adults say to kids all the time. But I'm of the opinion that not everything has to be nice. Putting a happy face on each and every disappointment, not allowing for the lows in life, takes away from the complexity of experience. I'm not suggesting to not have a good attitude when bad things happen, but life is made up of ups and downs and to deny the downs, cuts us off from feeling how good the ups can feel with something to contrast it to.
However, it is quite difficult to be around people who complain nonstop. When someone around us views the world through inconvenience and misery, it brings us down, especially if we are with them for long stretches of time or on a daily basis. We become depleted trying to combat the negativity.
For me, I'd rather be around people who are honest and have integrity, whether they are positive or negative is not my criteria. I'd prefer positive because I know the power that our thoughts have, but above all, if I had to choose, honesty is king.
Back to the 'towards/away' continuum. . . Like all of these continuums, they are context specific. Someone can be towards when it comes to relationships and away when it comes to finances.
To determine towards and away, we need to elicit our client's criteria. And say it turns out to be financial security. The big question is: Ultimately, what will having financial security do for you?
Now, security is a value that can be either towards or away, so you've got to listen very closely to the answer to this question to determine their direction.
'Financial security will mean that I'm finally safe. I won't have to worry about my investments, I won't have to worry about my family, I'll be able to retire when I want.'
Is this a toward solution or a movement away from a problem?
Well, that's pretty obvious. They're definitely trying to move away from the problem.
With 'away' people, one of the prongs on the key to persuasion is what I like to call 'backing the ambulance up to the door'. It's like poking at a wound or sticking your tongue at a sore tooth. (Some people actually do that!) It's like rubbernecking at an accident. It's like helping them wallow in that feeling of fear and worry in order to show them the path to . . .in this case, security.
My response: 'Well, exactly. That's perfectly understandable. Because, really, the stock market is a really terrifying prospect right now. I mean, people have no idea how devastating it's going to be when that thing finally crashes again. And I can totally understand that feeling of sickness and worry. Having no parachute, no safety net, no cushion would definitely be cause for worry. My clients have moved beyond that fear and are naturally safe and secure as a result of working with me.'
Determination of towards/away enriches rapport immeasurably. Forcing an away from oriented person to see the silver lining or look through rose colored glasses will put them off and make persuasion very difficult. Just go along with them and bask in the fear and horror that you can eventually relieve them of.
Article Source: http://www.search-raven.com
About the Author
Kenrick Cleveland teaches techniques to earn the business of wealthy prospects using persuasion. He runs public and private seminars and offers home study courses and coaching programs in persuasion techniques.
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by: KenrickCleveland
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