Can I Be Mad At God About My Illness? 3 Ways To Know
"When I was first diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, I was relieved at first," shares Cindy. "So many doctors kept telling me to see a psychiatrist, but I knew it was my body, not my head, that was in trouble." She explains, "I had spent so much time before my diagnosis being mad, having my illness finally validated was a great feeling. But six months later, the anger set in the pain management of the illness seemed to barely exist."
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a doctor in Switzerland, wrote a life-changing book called, "On Death and Dying" which describes the cycle of emotional stages that is often referred to as the grief cycle. Anger is the third stage, following the shock stage and the denial stage.
When we are diagnosed with an illness, feeling anger is the most natural reaction. Realizing our dreams may be out of our control now that our body is redefining what is "normal" for us, can be devastating.
Acknowledging these feelings exist and learning how to manage them is part of the mourning process. People have a variety of time frames for each stage of the grief cycle, but sooner or later one will likely enter this phase. Surprisingly your anger may be worst during the third year of the disease than the first.
Says Krista, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome, "I know that my anger stages come and go. I have been angry at doctors, at God, myself, my church, even my husband and daughter and other family members."
One thing is definite: anger will come. For some people it will be a mild irritation with everything in life, and for others a flaring temper that doesn't seem subside.
Linda Noble Topf author of "You are Not Your Illness" says, "It is my observation that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."
Anger can be seen as something shameful to express, especially if you are a Christian, who has been told that angry emotions are not excused or even "allowed." You may experience some of these feelings:
- If my faith is strong enough, then I should trust that God is in control, so I shouldn't be angry at what He has planned. Doesn't anger show a lack in faith?
- If I reveal to other Christians that I am angry about my situation, won't they think I am weak in my walk with God?
- I know it says, "wise men shouldn't anger" in the Bible. How can I, in good faith, express the emotions that I am feeling?
- I understand anger can lead to bitterness. So if I don't admit I am angry, will I be a better Christian, focusing on just the positive stuff in life?
These feelings are not unusual, yet, they prevent us from coping with the grief that we are experiencing by the loss of our health and lifestyle.
Here are a few tips to help guide you through the process of dealing with your anger:
1. If you are angry, acknowledge that these feelings exist. Then get on with life!
It is easy to believe if we bury our anger we will become a stronger person. Topf recommends, "Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." By claiming your feelings you can reclaim your personal identity and your true emotions about the situation.
In the Bible the story of Job shows how he became angry at the events in his life (including the outbreak of sores all over his body). He even cursed the day he was born. As Job's life went on, God bless him with even more material assets, family, and choice. Job told God, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Through his anger and frustration, he eventually found wisdom and character. You can't fake it through life or you will never benefit from this challenge you've been given
2. It is all right to have angry feelings.
God designed our whole being and that includes the ability to feel anger. Even the Bible provides specific examples when God became angry. What does the Bible tell us about how to handle our angry emotions?
- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).
- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs 29:8b).
- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).
God understands that anger is a part of our human instinct, but it should never become our lifestyle. Some people may point out that it takes anger to get things accomplished. Even Mothers against Drunk Drivers seem to have an appropriate acronym of "MADD." Topf says, "We discover that anger is first and foremost a demand for change." Some would argue that the attitude of "I'm-not-going-to-take-it-any-more" has been the beginning of great changes in our history. And this is true, but the key is not to get stuck in that anger phase for the rest of your life.
In Amos 1:11, God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God understands how we will feel anger, but when we feel it continually, He becomes annoyed. When all of our energy is spent being angry (and it does takes a lot of effort) none of our focus is on Him. We must find a way to use our anger effectively so we can bring God the glory.
3. Walk with God and He will walk with you through your anger.
In the Bible, David experienced this promise and wrote, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me" (Psalm 138:7). God is always waiting for you to stretch out your hand to Him, especially when in anger reigns. He will protect you from using it unwisely.
"I'm still dealing with anger at this illness." explains Peggy, who lives with fibromyalgia. "Each time I realize I have another limitation, I experience anger. And yet, I know that God has a plan for my life that is perfect. As I become more adjusted to having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect and pray for His perfect grace to become slow to anger, counting on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).
Anger is an emotion we will all encounter for the rest of our lives. Perhaps the simplest of advice is a scripture that I quote in my book, Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I go through the mixed bag of emotions, especially anger and bitterness. It is Hosea 7:13b-14 in which God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." Instead of curling up in bed wailing "Why me?" pour our your heart to the Lord and simply ask Him for help.
Article Source: http://www.search-raven.com
About the Author
"Why Can't I Make People Understand?" is Lisa's hottest book that can get you past your emotions of anger at www.WhyCantIMakePeopleUnderstand.com . Free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from when you sign up for HopeNotes at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week.
This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License, which means you may freely reprint it, in its entirety, provided you include the author's resource box along with LIVE links (without "nofollow" tags).
by: LisaCopen
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