Is Divorce The Only Answer?
There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by that you don't hear about someone getting a divorce. It just seems to be a fact of life that we've all learned to accept. We all have someone in our lives that divorce has touched.
Divorce takes its toll, affecting not only the partners directly involved, but their immediate family, extended family and friends as well. It came home to me the day my sister, happily married for 17 years, phoned and said she had caught her husband bringing another woman into their home. She had known her husband since her youth and suddenly the only possible solution to what had happened was to get a divorce.
In the months that followed, my sister had many visits to her lawyer and several court appearances. This took its toll. My sister began to lose weight, cried often, became dependent upon others, lost self esteem and basically began to fall apart.
She had no savings so had to rely on so she turned to our parents for assistance, help they could ill afford to give. They helped her with legal expenses and also with money for her basic living necessities. She asked me to help with the details of the divorce settlement, something I felt was a no-win situation for me, I could see that no matter what the outcome I would be blamed for any shortcomings.
While I was certain that everything was on a downhill path, I suddenly realized that my sister had started talking to her husband again. She was phoning him every day, in fact. She was beginning to take better care of herself and had become much easier to be around again. I was opposed to her going back to her husband. After all he had been unfaithful to her. Yet I wisely stepped back and let her take charge of her own life again, realizing that perhaps only her husband was the one who could make her happy again.
Of course, the reconciliation process wasn't expected to be an easy one. My sister and her husband agreed to see a marriage counselor who told them that reconciliation was indeed possible but would require significant effort on their part and real dedication to making their marriage work again. They decided that they would do whatever was necessary to make things right once again.
In a way, forgiveness was the key to the resurrection of their marriage. I certainly underestimated the amount of forgiveness my sister had in her heart but there was apparently enough. All of this happened five years ago and they have been happily married since getting back together. They worked hard to regain the trust that was lost and they continue to work at keeping their marriage a happy one. They make it a point to set aside time to be together, plan annual vacations and always have a little talk before going to sleep at night.
The cost of divorce is high, both financially and emotionally. It is especially costly to children when they are involved. Besides the heartbreak their self esteem will most certainly take a hit. So it makes sense to pay attention to how your marriage is going and doing what you feel needs to be done to keep it on track. I have learned, and perhaps you should as well, the value of setting aside time to be with your spouse. Whether it's a night on the town or walking a couple of blocks to get a hot dog, these times can be special. Finally, let's not forget that when we get married we are taking sacred vows and these vows are for a lifetime. In good times or bad you want to make your marriage work and not let the thought separating ever take root.
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by: AlexArcher
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