What to Do When the Green Eyed Monster Roars
Jealousy is an unfortunate thing that everyone has to deal with at one point in their life or another. Especially if you are in a relationship. More than likely, sometime you will feel that ugly green monster creeping up on you, taking over your actions and possibly leading to heartache in your relationship.
There are all kinds of instances when we can feel jealousy. Perhaps you are at the bar and you see your boyfriend talking to another woman. Or maybe your date is openly staring at a beautiful girl across the room. Maybe he even cheated on you and you found out.
No matter how it happens, jealousy is not fun. Whether your jealousy is reasonable or not, it makes you FEEL all kinds of negative emotions, like hurt, anger, resentment - even reproach and disgust.
Let's look at two types of jealousy - founded and unfounded. Jealousy that is reasonable would be when your boyfriend or husband has cheated on you. Jealousy that is NOT reasonable is getting mad about him mentioning his ex-girlfriend, or running into her in the store.
The kind of jealousy that is rational, though, would be like you feeling jealous because he cheated on you. This is totally rational - and - is a sign that there is something amiss in your relationship, and you AND HE need to work on that thing right away. If he is not willing to work on this with you, then he is NOT the right man for you, and you need to pull your stakes and leave.
What those jealous feelings are saying to you at that point is that your relationship is out of balance. He may be making you feel like it's all your fault, or even vice versa. Balance needs to be restored for your relationship to work, and if it cannot be restored, then it needs to be ended before it gets to a more hurtful point.
The second type of suspicion is when you have negative emotions over things that have occurred in the past, or over things that have no consequence. Everybody has past relationships - even you. If your ex boyfriend walked up to you in the grocery store and said hi - you wouldn't think a thing about it. If you get jealous if that happens to your husband - then you have a problem.
In cases like this, your emotions are sending up a signal to your brain that all is not well within you. These are signs of emotional insecurity and fear. This is when you need to stop what you are doing and take a look inside to see what the true root of this jealousy is. Perhaps you have been hurt before and are acting defensively, or perhaps you are afraid of the unknown.
In other cases, we get jealous about things that have not even come to pass. Much like jealousy over imaginary things, this is another sign of emotional trouble within yourself. Seek to understand your SELF and these types of feelings will go away.
There are cases where jealousy is justifiable and valid and cases where it is not. In each case, you must get to the root of the problem, as jealousy is a symptom of a deeper hurt that must be healed in order for the relationship to evolve.
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