Affair Recovery: Healing The Hurt
It is difficult to imagine a greater emotional pain to bear than that caused by an extramarital affair. The process of recovery involves three different factors, the two spouses and the marriage itself. When an affair occurs, it hurts not only the two people but also the relationship itself, and pain is experienced by both the betrayed spouse and the guilty party.
Recovering from an affair and making the relationship work requires struggle and patience. The basic foundation of the marriage is shaken when an affair takes place, but by taking certain steps, the relationship can be preserved. In order for this to happen, however, both husband and wife need to commit themselves to repairing their union.
During these dark times, it is helpful to think back to why your marriage was strong and happy to begin with. Try not to dwell on the recent episodes of betrayal and infidelity, and keep focusing on positive things. Remember why you were first attracted to your partner.
Once you have focused on the positives, it is time to examine your marriage and figure out what caused it's stability to be shaken. Cheating rarely occurs when both partners are happy and satisfied, so it is important to discover just what went wrong, and why, in order to overcome the problem.
In order for both husband and wife to recover from the affair, they need to show deep honesty about what events and emotions led to the problem. As you discuss these issues, try to use \"I\" statements instead of \"You\" statements; for example, rather than saying \"You make me feel bad when you do that\" try saying \"I feel bad when you do that.\" Take ownership of your emotions instead of just hurling accusations.
Deep honesty means letting out all of the hurt and not carrying the baggage of unresolved feelings. In affair recovery each must get in touch with their own core values, hopes, and dreams as well as acknowledging their own and their spouse's anger and pain.
The involvement of an unbiased third party can help a recovering couple to understand the dynamics of their damaged relationship, and the third party can also provide insight and advice about mending trust. You may choose to see a professional counselor, but you could also get help from a religious leader that you and your partner both trust. Both of you can benefit from hearing an outside perspective. Just be sure that the person you choose has experience with helping repair relationships after an affair.
It is not easy to rebuild trust after an extramarital affair, but it can be done! The two of you once shared enough strength to join together and start a family, and you can use that strength to try again. Neither of you should downplay your pain, but you should not focus too much on it either. You cannot change the past, but the future holds so much possibility. Affair recovery can happen when the couple looks forward and sees that their marriage is strong enough to withstand this test.
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Infidelity creates a pain like no other. At the Affair Recovery Center we know from experience. We can help you heal from infidelity. Don't suffer another day. Start healing from infidelity right now.
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