3 Ways Your Habits Stop Effective Communication at Home and Work
The strategies we attempt to use for effective communication are filtered through our habits. Take a look at the arguments and frustrations you experience everyday. For most of us, 98% of them habitually breakdown in the same places. The breakdown points are intersections of a perceived outside trigger and our unconscious habits to react the way we do (visualize the co-worker who annoys you, your spouse's embarrassing behaviors, and the constant complaining of your children for a clearer picture).
People don't think of their habits as possible sources of their conflicts, frustrations, and upset feelings. They never realize their habits are calling all the shots, giving orders like hit men to eliminate what threatens them. To make matters worse, we try resolving our communication breakdowns with quick-fix phrases from books or shaky advice from friends that only aggravate the situation. If you regularly experience this type of Communication Frustration then one of the following 3 habits is the likely culprit.
Habit #1 - Moralistic Judgments
The aim of this habit is to prove wrongness or badness with those who violate our values and desires. Moralistic judgements often has language like "They're selfish", "She's lazy", "He's jealous", "That's not smart", "I'm offended", "You're rude", "That's wrong", "They're bad people","That's not right", "He's not a good person". More forms of judgements would be blaming, insulting, putting-down, labeling, criticizing, and diagnosing. Moralistic judgement is always about who IS what by categorizing people and their actions.
Habit #2 - The Habit of Making Comparisons
Pointing out how someone is deficient or lacking in some way are the focal points when making comparisons. Other ways of making comparisons are "You always", "He could never", "She deserves better", "I'll do it myself", "You're not fair" , "I'll never be like", "It wasn't meant to be". Making comparisons is very concerned with rationalizing who deserves what. Determined by what happens to us and those we care for.
Habit #3 - Denying Personal Responsibility
Convincing others we aren't personally responsible for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is the focus of this habit. Language we use to deny personal responsibility often includes "My boss says I have to", "I can't do it", "You make me angry", "She told me I could", "Nobody helped me", "I yelled because", "Why do you do that to me". Believing we're powerless given the choices available, we expect others to take responsibility for our our emotions, unspoken expectations, wants, and behaviors that we claim we couldn't control.
Start observing your daily conversations for where these habits show up regularly. Where are they most frequent with your spouse, children, and co-workers? Where do you want others to take responsibility for your feelings? How often do you break commitments, expecting others to clean up? What company policies, rules, and managers do you blame for not being satisfied with your career? Focus on fixing the habits that no longer support your ambitions. Keep in mind there's nothing wrong with you. It's your habits and strategies that need your attention.
Article Source: http://www.search-raven.com
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Life Strategist John Reisinger, can help you learn remarkably effective communication skills. Transform your conversations at home and work and experience Remarkable Living.
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