Weight Loss and Sex
One under-recognised factor in overweight is lowered metabolic rate due to anxiety or depression related to a non-existent or unsatisfactory sex life. In examining a range of important lifestyle factors that impact on metabolic rate and weight loss, this is one area that certainly deserves consideration and support.
If your sexual relationship is healthy, meaning that it provides the emotional bonding necessary for your wellbeing, then it is supporting good metabolic performance, and supporting weight loss and the maintenance of a healthy weight.
Did you know that diet and exercise programs fail for nearly 100% of people? It's no wonder, because the whole issue of overweight and obesity is much bigger than diet and exercise. In fact a poor diet and too little physical activity can be seen as SYMPTOMS, not as causes of overweight. When you've successfully "ticked off" all the important lifestyle factors, you won't have to think about dieting ever again because overweight will be a thing of the past!
Although there are a myriad of lifestyle changes that can add immeasurably to your health and your enjoyment of life, and make important contributions to weight loss, this article has been written to help you understand and work through aspects of your most intimate relationship.
Your Most Intimate Relationship - Why It's Important
From "fast-food" sex to "gourmet" sex, intimate partners usually have a range of sexual styles or experiences but what they all have in common is that they are expressions of intimacy that non-verbally communicate the state of the relationship as well as the wellbeing (or otherwise) of the partners at that time.
Sex is just as important a vehicle for communication as any other communication you could possibly have with your loved one. See if you can apply the same considerations to your sexual communication as you do to other less intimate conversations!
Are You Talking the Same Language?
When intimate partners don't share the same sexual language, or aren't on the same "wavelength" they risk destructive fallout from misunderstanding each other. This can be as mild as a feeling of disappointment or confusion, or as devastating as actual hurt feelings or burning resentment.
Although technique can be important, what I'm talking about here is not technique, but the non-verbal communication which makes up nearly 100% of the intimate encounter. Matching sounds/silence, matching eye contact, matching facial expressions, even matching breathing.
What happens when you take the time to really notice your partner's non-verbal expressions and mirror those back? What difference does it make to the quality of the experience for both of you?
Being Compatible
Obviously not every partnership is between people who are naturally compatible. Different body clocks may have libido rising at completely different times and there's not much you can do about that if your libidos virtually live in different time zones.
If she likes wearing flannelette to bed because it keeps her warm and toasty and she sleeps better, and he is revolted at the sight, barring therapy there's not much you can do about that one, not if he also refuses to have an electric blanket!
He prefers sex that is deathly silent, with no eye contact, and she likes "connection", eye contact, and racy conversation!
Or perhaps he has a fetish, such as wearing high heels, but she finds this "unmasculine" and a certain mood breaker.
I'm not saying these problems are the end of the relationship, but each of them does present a very big barrier to the enjoyment of a good sexual bond between the partners. It takes a great deal of love and commitment to work through and resolve these types of challenges.
Left alone, left unspoken, these types of incompatibilities can cause raging resentment that eventually implode the relationship. If you have these kinds of incompatibilities, then the best thing to do is to be very honest and open about them, very respectful of each other's differences, and work, if necessary with a therapist, to resolve them happily.
If only we lived in the sort of ideal world where people were more aware of the variety of human nature, were able to acknowledge and accept their own characteristics, and feel comfortable and confident in sharing those with potential partners. I'm sure the divorce rate would plummet.
And that brings us to .
Honesty
So many relationships stagger on with very little sexual honesty. I'm not talking about infidelity here, but the sexual dishonesty of holding back one's true thoughts and feelings about sex, and in a cowardly or resigned way, giving up on making that all it could be. And the longer it goes on like this, the harder to face up to it, and the harder to now communicate the truth.
However if you want to build a deeply fulfilling intimate relationship, that's exactly what you must now do.
We've all heard the joke about women faking orgasms while men fake relationships, but you should realise that faking an orgasm IS faking the relationship. A faked orgasm is a way of saying "I'm bored now", "I want this over with" or "I can't connect with you".
This faking has more consequences. Practised often enough it can become so habitual that the woman is unable to achieve the real state.
So "settling" for unsatisfactory sex, and particularly faking satisfaction, is good for neither the relationship nor the individual.
One of the best ways to deal with this is to take courage and actually write down (because it can be more comfortable to write it than say it):
1) What is not happening during sex that you want to happen, 2) What is happening during sex that you don't want to happen, 3) What words you might actually say to your partner, or what things you might actually do, to communicate the changes you want
For most people this is very unfamiliar territory and it could help your comfort to practice a little first. You might benefit from reading chapter 4 of my book "Intimate Partners", where you learn to pre-frame a request (and also respond resourcefully to criticism) and chapter 6, where you'll learn to ask more directly for what you want!
Your Time Out
An intimate relationship IS intimate because of its exclusive and private nature. Without privacy and exclusivity the experience of intimacy is drastically reduced, and so is the quality of the relationship.
With all the busy demands of daily life, particular where there are new babies or small children, the challenges of intimacy may seem insurmountable. Keep in mind that the world, including your children, must turn around YOU. Together you are the solid foundation to their lives and it's up to you to keep that foundation intact and healthy.
Help for Sex Issues
Human adults need a deeply satisfying sexual relationship in very much the same way as they need good, nutritious food in order to be healthy both physically and mentally. However many couples "settle" for a relationship that is not at all satisfying - sometimes because they don't know what to do, and sometimes because they've given up hope. This situation is damaging for the relationship, for the partners, and for others who depend on them for their own wellbeing.
Please do have hope; please do make the effort, and seek out any support you need in order to make this part of your life everything it can be.
With your sexual relationship in great condition, you can be confident that it's supporting your health and wellbeing, and thus helping you to maintain a naturally healthy weight, permanently.
Article Source: http://www.search-raven.com
About the Author
Christine Sutherland is an expert on weight loss, especially in relation to lifestyle factors and issues that are vital if we are to achieve easy and permanent weight loss. Her free book "17 Solutions" is must reading for anyone who seeks a permanent solution to weight problems.
This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License, which means you may freely reprint it, in its entirety, provided you include the author's resource box along with LIVE links (without "nofollow" tags).
by: ChristineSutherland
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